Relationship Patterns and How to Break Them

Relationships can add to the quality of our lives and help us to grow. Alternatively, relationships can contribute to our problems and limit our lives. Traumas (neglect, emotional abuse, physical abuse, or sexual abuse) that occur our lives, can leave wounds in our attachment. These traumas can impact how we see ourselves and relate to others later in life.

Signs of problematic relationship patterns:

• Do you tend to tend to avoid becoming emotionally close to others or fear true intimacy?

• Do you tend to be too open and trusting and find that your boundaries are easily blurred?

• Do you find it difficult to spend time on your own and cling tightly to others?

• Do you people please and seek external validation from others?

• Do you push others away when feelings emerge before others have a chance to hurt you?

• Do you tend to try to help and rescue others to the point your own needs are not acknowledged or met?

• Do you attempt to control those around you due to past experiences of exploitation?

How to break relationship patterns:

• Sometimes patterns can emerge as an attempt to deal with past traumas and these may help in the short term. It is important to ask yourself if the patterns are working in the long term.

• Learn more about your attachment style, how you engage with others, and how you want to be loved.

• Ask yourself what needs are important in your personal growth that didn’t get met in the past.

• Ask yourself what your values are. How do you want to be treated and how do you want to treat others? You have the power to re-write your past and re-set your present and future.  

A powerful way to break unhelpful relationship patterns is to engage in therapy. Please contact Tim or Katherine to book an appointment if you are interested.

Written by Katherine and Tim Bonaldi.