Alternatives to New Year’s Resolutions
If you tend to set unrealistic goals at the start of the new year or expect “a new year new me”, you may relate to feeling disappointed. There is an alternative that is more sustainable and still satisfying……exploring your values and the direction you would like to head in.
Values are like a lighthouse in a storm. Values can be principles or priorities that are important and meaningful to you. Values can be the way you would like to engage with the world or treat yourself.
To help you get in touch with your values, it can be helpful to ask yourself:
What hasn’t been working for me in the last year? What has been draining me that is inside of my control?
What could be more uplifting for me in the new year that is within my control? What values does that reflect?
Consider this hypothetical situation below:
A hypothetical person called Joe reflects on the last year and realizes that striving to please his partner, friends, family and boss has left him feeling run down and resentful. On top of that, he is staying in a job in which he feels undervalued, underpaid and overworked.
Joe also realizes that putting his own needs first and expressing his opinions and feelings would be uplifting in the new year. This reflects the values of self-compassion and authenticity. Joe can then ways to act, starting small and building to significant, that align with his values. If he gets off track, rather than judging himself, he can start afresh the new day with self-compassion.
Sometimes when we set new year resolutions, it doesn’t take into account our values. If we do not explore our values in a deeper way, we can maintain problem behaviours that are sabotaging. For example, if Joe did not ask himself these questions to connect with his values, he may have set a new year resolution to work harder or continue to strive to make his loved ones happy. This may have then continued his unhealthy cycle of people pleasing and self-sacrifice.
If you need support with clarifying your values and finding direction for the new year, contact Katherine or Tim at In Bloom Psychology for support.
Written by Katherine and Tim Bonaldi